funky doo

small missional communities

This is where it's at...

http://inthebellyofthebigfish.blogspot.com/ 

Check out the series of blog posts on here around small missional communities...good stuff and helping us think right now...

simplicity and uncertainty

 A new Monday morning dawns and I seem to have fallen into a pattern of Mondays being an office/admin day. (well, it's worked the last few weeks, but a quick look at the diary shows it's the last for a while!) It works quite well as I get ahead of myself and the rest of the week seems to pan out better, notwithstanding the unexpected stuff of life with a toddler and in youth ministry!

I'm especially appreciating the space today as I get back to the nitty gritty after quite a grotty weekend.

Recent posts make no bones of the fact that, as a family and as individuals within that, we are in a bit of a state of flux. The history of all that goes back a long long way...around the time that Andy and I first met and he had returned to faith. Questions about our role in church leadership and which of us might be called to priesthood, ordination, church planting etc etc have always been around. They would at various times return to our present thinking for us to question and then would return to the back of our minds.

Our move down to Essex in 2006 was a response to a heightened sense that God was doing something new and different at that time - He certainly was as M came along pretty smartish after that! Her arrival and the move and the newness of jobs, church and location have all allowed us more space to say 'what now?'

In recent years, our understanding of our calling, as individuals and as a family has been in a certain language - church leadership, youth ministry, leadership development, mentoring....and along with our visit to the States in 2008 and my time at Pilgrimage and being immersed in LifeShapes stuff and The Order of Mission, we have had a lot to think about and process.

I'm always a bit sceptical when things that seem painful have a happy ending - they always seem to in other people! However, I can testify that out of the pain of my back injury in June, something became very clear. We were enjoying a weekend as a family as I was off work and we went for a (slow!) walk one Saturday before coming home for M to nap. During the nap time, I was leafing through youthwork magazine and was struck by a job vacancy which leapt out of the page at me...

The conversation that ensued involved us realising that we somehow needed to make space for Andy to explore the possibilities of ordination and the priesthood, specifically within the Anglican Church. He was first told/asked to consider that journey when he was 19 and at Oasis Youth Ministry in Manchester. It's been asked again more recently and become a more regular conversation (with others, rather than amongst the two of us) and we've always greeted it with a hmmm...But this was a realisation in both of us and this particular job provided a possible route, giving space as well as a return to an Anglican Church to gain immersion in that culture and the structural support that would be required.

With all that zooming round our heads, and the closing date for the job not until mid September, we plunged into our busy summer and talked about everything that was happening during car journeys and whilst trying to sleep at Soul Survivor! We put a number of fleeces out - and through those, God made it clear to apply for the job. Despite this, at one point I told Andy I couldn't go ahead, I loved my job too much and we needed to take things slower...but he and others rightly reminded me that the job had leapt out at us for a reason, and we needed to allow due process to happen. So I did apply, with some trepidation and reluctance but a huge amount of excitement and a sense of the possibilities opening up to us.

I've never been in that position - applying for a job when I didn't need a job or from having a job that I loved. It was a strange experience. My current job is one which has moulded around me, where I have found a niche and I see that God is using me to be effective in the local church. Although hugely challenging a lot of the time, it resonates with so much of where I know God wants to use me. As a family it works for us, it fulfills my need for people contact (although not always enough face to face youth work sometimes!)but I also have to be very self disciplined in how I work and managing my time effectively and spiritually.

I spent a long time over the application. By the end of it, I was fed up with the 'selling of myself' that such a process requires and I was glad to be done with it! Most of the time, I felt totally crippled with self doubt, could I do this if I got it, how would I cope with a job with such responsibility and the pressure of what the job might allow Andy to do as a result did feel like a big weight. Overall, it was all a hugely painful process - the thought of the implications of moving again (it is not a local job), the upheaval that would cause, the starting over (I had a stupid dream about there not being any hairdressers in the new place and my barnet getting out of control!!) and there were people that we wanted to make aware of this possible next move and whom we have hurt just in the telling. Despite the excitement and what this opportunity might all bring, we felt pretty crap.

And so we waited....and on Saturday, I got a letter to say that I hadn't been shortlisted.

Andy was in Brighton on the bike ride...so I stewed and ranted and cried a bit by myself. I talked to a few people...the general response was confusion, sympathy, surprise and sadness with a big fat dose of relief...one lovely person told me I'd always be top of their shortlist! A part of me was glad that I didn't get shortlisted - the door has been firmly closed and locked and there is no wondering about 'could I have done better' as there might have been with an interview.

And today, I sit here in my office, sorting out the mundane and pushing paper around, doing some emails and prep for training and I wonder...what is God doing? He's doing something, that's for sure and I'm running into that, cos He is my strong tower and my hiding place.

This is what we know: we know Andy is called to the priesthood, but we don't know how or in what 'way'. We know we want to respond to God's call, for Andy specifically at this time but for our family overall. We know for that to take place, we need to be back in an Anglican Church to allow that process to happen. We know we need to honour the process of selection that is required and we want to do that well while exiting and leaving behind other things in a godly and sensitive way. We know God has it in hand and we know He loves us. We know that this has been His call on Andy's life since he was 19. And we know God has never let us down and won't this time.

These are the simple facts - we share with you what we know...and we wait for God to make the next step clear. It's OK, because He is in control. I have no idea whether applying for THAT job was the wrong decision or whether we just needed to go through that process to make the priesthood path clearer. Who knows...but I'm glad we're not going anywhere for a while!

Andy's is the pink bum ;-)

 

eee, shut that door!

A few doors have been firmly closed today - not just closed but locked really!

At the risk of continuing to be a bit cryptic, I'm staying where I am and am pleased about it. Relieved too, as I know others are!

As for the nominations to the episcopate, there may be a Smith going in that direction (one step at a time, you understand!) but it ain't me!! Thanks for the encouragement though - I'll start stashing fairy liquid bottles for the white plastic supply. I hear priests are skint so cost saving methods are a sensible pattern to adopt!??

Andy has returned from his 100 mile cycle around Brighton and Eastbourne for Cherish Uganda and he and his team have almost raised their target £1000. If you fancy helping them inch a little closer click here. Me and M had a lovely day at Barleylands with fantastic sunshine and lots to do.

Just finishing off our Harvest Family service outline for tomorrow - using a whole heap of different things including Nooma (Rich), Desert Island Discs and Advent Conspiracy...should be good!!

unwittingly compared...

I follow a large number of blogs...on Google Reader, usually from those based across the pond or outside Essex, apart from a few (Paul, Sam, Elwin). Recently looked into some more local stuff to keep track of some interesting church politics and what is happening in the search for the new Bishop of Chelmsford.

So, this morning, on a bit of a whim, I made a comment on the Ugley Vicar blog which was asking for suggestions of names for possible candidates.

My comment:

my understanding, in the role I have, is that there are so many vacancies currently in Dioceses around the country that there will have to be new Bishops consecrated to fill all the gaps...so anyone is possible. I don't however think Chelmsford will get a 'new' Bishop as we are the second biggest Diocese in the country, but there might be some interesting shifting around of the current Bishops and Archdeacons...

And the response...

Richard Brown said...

Alice Smith for Bishop, now there's a thought. Well-known in the diocese (at least in my part of it), full of life and with lots of good ideas - a veritable John Sentamu! (I have heard it said that all dioceses in need of a Bishop want another John Sentamu).

Blimey - slightly hilarious on many fronts, I'm sure you'll agree!!....and requiring a large glass of wine this evening to calm myself down! However, nice to be part of the discussion and to have some response from someone who I have obviously met and who thinks I made some sense. Thank you Richard Brown, whoever you are!! Do let me know if you ever read this and I'll buy you a drink!

Back to the Merlot - BTW, I vote Tim Jones for Bishop, anywhere...one of my favourite people, an amazing leader, fantastically uniting, humbling, challenging, understanding of the spectrum of church tradition and not afraid to stand up for justice - see this example.

Monday update 21st September

the weekend that was: a mixed bag - a bit of work on Saturday morning after a lovely day off on Friday. My cleaner started on Thursday so I had limited chores to do, which was bliss! M and I spent the day pottering about, went food shopping and blackberry picking and she napped while I baked...heavenly smelling house on every level!

Friday night we were out having dinner with 'the Pastors'. Saturday, I accompanied Andy to do his last mentoring training session of the week and hosted him in the Chelmsford venue for Equipping. It went down well I think?!  We took M with us as we'd all spent a lot of time apart over the week and she had been under the weather on Tuesday and Wednesday. We had a pub lunch together on the way home and then she and Andy spent the afternoon doing baking for the kids going on a sailing trip from school this week - she was more of a hindrance than a help in the kitchen but she was very proud of herself!!

Saturday night our friend Lewis came over to chill and stay over - we caught up (well, I caught up and the boys talked and drank wine!) with Strictly Come Dancing which I'd missed the night before.

Sunday included the usual church commitments - Andy on PA and me doing M watch! During the afternoon the Cherish Uganda Cycle Team went out on a 50 mile practice run for their sponsored ride on Saturday in Brighton - and they took M so I had some time to myself which was lovely. Sunday night I was observing someone in their youthwork practice while Andy and Lewis led GIraffe at our house.

procrastinating about: a few loose ends going on at present - sorting some design work for various projects which is time consuming and also keeping track of supervisions and support stuff with full/part time youth workers. I did manage to get the Falcon Afloat Team hoodies ordered last week, which has taken me ages! I'm also leading the Family Harvest service at church on Sunday so need to fine tune some of that and make sure everyone knows what's happening.

Anything else going on of mention?? We had a great chat last night with Jack and Emily in Tennessee, our friends we visited last summer. It's often a challenge to all chat together, with the time differences and Jack being a pastor and Emily studying. Last time we rang it was only Emily in so me and her had a good catch up! This time, the boys talked more in depth about some of the stuff going down for us right now, and I caught up with Emily at the end, but never enough! We filled them in on the latest in our lives, which I can't talk about too much here, but which is pretty mind mashing!! It's great to have the perspective of someone totally out of the context of what we're doing and without any bias, apart from loving us. At the moment, we're really grateful for the understanding of a lot of our friends who are standing with us and keeping us sane! You know who you are!

book i’m in the midst of: Put down the Russian Concubine - not that good. Continuing with Someone Elses' Kids which is excellent. Also had some recommednations today of some theology/political books which I'm going to try. Feel the need for more depth after a few mindless historical romps!!

music that seemed to catch my attention this past week: nothing too new, but loving the Genius playlist application in Itunes which just makes me the best mixes, especially when I have an office day!!

next trip: Getting booked in for Youthwork the Conference this week with a bunch of guys from The Hub. I'd love to be at Youth Specialties NYWC in LA this week tho!!

stuff I'm into on TV/films right now: apart from Strictly Come Dancing, what else is there??!! ItTakesTwo is one of the best half hours of my day!!

Youth work done/upcoming: I enjoyed being at St Saviour's Westcliff on Sunday night, being part of their session and observing Louise for her Equipping Certificate.

What did you eat this weekend?? Ginger cake that Andy made, Great spag bol, lovely curry on Sunday and some simpler quick meals this week to come.

the weekend that was: a mixed bag - a bit of work on Saturday morning after a lovely day off on Friday. My cleaner started on Thursday so I had limited chores to do, which was bliss! M and I spent the day pottering about, went food shopping and blackberry picking and she napped while I baked...heavenly smelling house on every level!

Friday night we were out having dinner with 'the Pastors'. Saturday, I accompanied Andy to do his last mentoring training session of the week and hosted him in the Chelmsford venue for Equipping. It went down well I think?!  We took M with us as we'd all spent a lot of time apart over the week and she had been under the weather on Tuesday and Wednesday. We had a pub lunch together on the way home and then she and Andy spent the afternoon doing baking for the kids going on a sailing trip from school this week - she was more of a hindrance than a help in the kitchen but she was very proud of herself!!

Saturday night our friend Lewis came over to chill and stay over - we caught up (well, I caught up and the boys talked and drank wine!) with Strictly Come Dancing which I'd missed the night before.

Sunday included the usual church commitments - Andy on PA and me doing M watch! During the afternoon the Cherish Uganda Cycle Team went out on a 50 mile practice run for their sponsored ride on Saturday in Brighton - and they took M so I had some time to myself which was lovely. Sunday night I was observing someone in their youthwork practice while Andy and Lewis led GIraffe at our house.

procrastinating about: a few loose ends going on at present - sorting some design work for various projects which is time consuming and also keeping track of supervisions and support stuff with full/part time youth workers. I did manage to get the Falcon Afloat Team hoodies ordered last week, which has taken me ages! I'm also leading the Family Harvest service at church on Sunday so need to fine tune some of that and make sure everyone knows what's happening.

Anything else going on of mention?? We had a great chat last night with Jack and Emily in Tennessee, our friends we visited last summer. It's often a challenge to all chat together, with the time differences and Jack being a pastor and Emily studying. Last time we rang it was only Emily in so me and her had a good catch up! This time, the boys talked more in depth about some of the stuff going down for us right now, and I caught up with Emily at the end, but never enough! We filled them in on the latest in our lives, which I can't talk about too much here, but which is pretty mind mashing!! It's great to have the perspective of someone totally out of the context of what we're doing and without any bias, apart from loving us. At the moment, we're really grateful for the understanding of a lot of our friends who are standing with us and keeping us sane! You know who you are!

book i’m in the midst of: Put down the Russian Concubine - not that good. Continuing with Someone Elses' Kids which is excellent. Also had some recommednations today of some theology/political books which I'm going to try. Feel the need for more depth after a few mindless historical romps!!

music that seemed to catch my attention this past week: nothing too new, but loving the Genius playlist application in Itunes which just makes me the best mixes, especially when I have an office day!!

next trip: Getting booked in for Youthwork the Conference this week with a bunch of guys from The Hub. I'd love to be at Youth Specialties NYWC in LA this week tho!!

stuff I'm into on TV/films right now: apart from Strictly Come Dancing, what else is there??!! ItTakesTwo is one of the best half hours of my day!!

Youth work done/upcoming: I enjoyed being at St Saviour's Westcliff on Sunday night, being part of their session and observing Louise for her Equipping Certificate.

What did you eat this weekend?? Ginger cake that Andy made, Great spag bol, lovely curry on Sunday and some simpler quick meals this week to come.

What's all that stuff about women?

 I promised a while ago to post my notes from the seminar at Soul Survivor B of the above name. Led by Gemma Foster, one of the Soul Survivor Pastors, it was an excellent and whistlestop tour of some of the most difficult and controversial passages in the Bible concerning women - not just in leadership but in relationship and in creation.

So, here goes...this is a just a transcript of my notes as I wrote them. I'll try and unpack my wider thoughts another time, but feel free to jump ahead of me in the comments if you have anything to say or react to or anything isn't clear!

1. Headship - see 1 Corinthians 11: 3ff   Question: is this is a Godly view or is Paul just addressing an issue that was going on at the time? Ultimate question is whether God CREATED man to be in charge?

Eve was created to be a helper - the same word used in the Genesis account also appears in Psalm 118:7 where it is also used of God - so not necessarily a subordinate term.

Is being created last a negative or does it indeed imply a permanent state?

Genesis 3:16 - a comment on the result of the fall (pain in childbirth etc.) - but not how God designed it originally.

Law in the OT is often to help restrain sin and not to state the definitive place of women.

Back to 1Corinthians 11:3 - meaning of the word 'head' has more to do with the origin of something, like a river and is therefore not necessarily meaning a better place or superior place. The origin of a rive is just a puddle if nothing flows or comes from it.

1Corinthians 7:3 also talks about headship, but is much more in keeping with the overall feel of the whole letter which is about mutual submission.

Ephesians5:22 the previous verse is often omitted because of how our BIbles are formatted. verse 21 is the clinch - submit to one another out of reverence. The context of the whole passage is about relationships and living as a Christian. The fact that Paul addresses BOTH wives and husbands, parents and children shows how counter cultural the whole letter is. This is radical equality - normally teaching of this kind would only have been addressed to the 'head' in any context - and so Paul is taking a risk and making a clear statement.

The Ephesians passage is not about authority or obedience, it's about service and love in the context of Christ's sacrificing love.

2. Women in Leadership: the Bible seems to give some caveats on women being in leadership...for example, covering heads or only teaching other women. See below for more on this...

However there are some women who did rather more than that:

Miriam was a prophet, one third of the leadership of Israel   

Deborah was a judge

Huldah sparked off Josiah's reforms and didn't defer to male leadership

Above all, Jesus himself promoted women - Luke 8 and John 4

Acts 2:17 - the fulfilment of a prophecy

Romans 16:7 some debate about whether Junias was male or female. Ending of her name is different in different translations, but it does imply it might have been a married couple and we Christians' longer than Paul.

3. Orderly worship - 1 Corinthians 14:26

The context of the passage is that Corinth was surrounded by pagan worship. Women were only allowed in the outer courts of the temple or involved in the crazy worship of Diana. This would have been their only experience of worship and they would have worshipped Diana with excessive chattering, almost like speaking in tongues.Could Paul perhaps be referring to this as something to refrain from, so as not to confuse the worship of Diana with the worship of the One True God? It is a contradiction as Paul has already instructed women to speak.

1 Timothy 2: written to Ephesus. Priscilla was the founder of this church, in an area of worldwide Diana worship and the Imperial Cult. Paul confirms that there should be no false doctrine preached in the church - and uses a gender inclusive pronoun in the Greek to emphasise this to be for both men and women. Women are encouraged to avoid false doctrine by coming under good teaching.

Scholars estimate that 800 passages/verses in Scripture come through women's experience or directly from the mouth of women - so if we believe that all Scripture is God breathed, how can we dismiss this?

Covering your Heads: 1st century women and men dressed similarly in daily life, apart from their head dress. Women who had shaved their heads were usually slaves, adulteresses or prostitutes. In pagan worship, particularly of Diana, the hair was used to swirl around and to generate an ecstatic state and this was beginning to be repeated in Christian churches at this time. Paul seems to be saying he wants Christians to be distinctive, different and therefore orderly in the way they worship.

Covering women's head actually promoted freedom in this context - not restricting it. It was more a cultural instruction.

Evening Services at All Saints Maldon

Our friend Alex from Falcon Camp has been piloting a new format monthly evening service last term at All Saints in Maldon, which is continuing this term. My hubby was involved in helping with the sound etc and preached on one occasion.

The publicity and such info appear below - so please do spread the word, give it a go and let us have some feedback on here as Alex is a regular reader...!

Monday update 14th September 2009

the weekend that was: at the end of the first proper week back, I felt proper pooped!! How does that happen? And where did the summer go??

Anyway, the week went without a hitch, considering we had got well out of the habit of regular early mornings and all leaving the house at once. M started at her new nursery for 1 full and 1 half day, still with her wonderful childminder for 2 full days a week. She had fun but was also pooped!! 

Friday I went over to an evening women's thing with church, with a speaker from one of our partner churches in the network, Paisley. I had to head home early to allow Andy to go out Street Pastoring and I stayed up too late fiddling about with remnants of the week's papers, toys, food, washing and all the fiddly bits that end up lying around!! Anyway, the house felt a bit tidier by Saturday morning. The women's event continued on Saturday morning, so I took M to her godparents to play with their kids for a few hours while I attended the event and let Andy sleep. 

Part of the morning including joining with the Prayer Day happening in Newcastle for Jo Grant, my former employer and friend (see my post Prayer and Peititon for Jo Grant). It was great to feel connected in with the concerted prayer efforts going on and I was able to speak out the Aquila Way mandate from Isaiah 58 as part of our worship and intercession.

The rest of Saturday was spent at home - Andy was up and about and rested (he got in at 4.45am) and he pottered in the garden while M slept and I did some reading and a bit of work. I started to get some serious pain in my stomach in mid afternoon, figured it was my usual women's issues and took some pain relief. But it hasn't gone away yet so am feeling a bit uncomfortable even today. Our friends Karen and Shaun came over for the evening and cooked at our house - easier to do that and for them to stay than to get a babysitter and go to them. We enjoyed Karen's stuffed beef tomatoes with chicken and courgettes and onions, along with baked sweet potatoes and salad...and some Black Sambuca which helped with pain relief!!

Karen joined me visiting a church outside the Diocese on Sunday morning, while the boys went off to do various duties at CGC Maldon. An impromptu lunch for 5, plus 2 kids and an afternoon of chatter, chilling and TV followed before everyone else, bar me and M went off for evening Youth led service at CGC. Afterwards, we had a farwell pizza party for Chloe, one of our GIraffe group who goes off to Uni in Bradford on Friday. So, busy weekend but filled with lots of nice things!!

procrastinating about: not too much really...I had to take a sick day today with the stomach being very painful...will be going to the doctors tomorrow afternoon. I slept and read and had a gentle day and am feeling much better this evening. I have to grab these quiet times when they happen - I find that I can plan a 'toil' day in my diary ahead of time if I know I'll need to take back hours, but if there are a lot of pressing events coming up, that is not always feasible to take the day even if it's clear. This week would normally be an Equipping training week for me - but we have contracted Andy to deliver the training for this session as it's on mentoring and small group work. He's upstairs now doing some final preparation and he'll be delivering the Braintree and Stratford venues with my colleagues on Tuesday and Thursday and then coming with me to do the Chelmsford venue on Saturday morning. So it's a quiet week in some ways! I still have some prep to do for my full day in Basildon Deanery on Wednesday as well as speaking at Synod and I'm also preparing to preach in a number of places over the next few weeks, not least at my friend Christine's wedding!

Anything else going on of mention?? It's a time of decisions, changes, wonderings and getting down to the nitty gritty...a long term stretches out before us. It's safe to say we're in a state of flux here at Smith Towers, can't say too much about it all but it's a hard place to be, confusing and scary but ultimately just searching for God's purpose in all things. He has His hand on us as always, we might not like the outcome sometimes, but we choose this life and wouldn't want it any other way. We are concious of people in much worse places than us - we are grateful for our home, our jobs and our special people around us. Life could be much worse, but that doesn't make it very easy right now...

book i’m in the midst of: just finished 'Mary Queen of France' and started 'The Russian Concubine' - getting back into my historical fiction. Also started 'Someone's Elses' kids' which Andy's colleagues lent to him...

music that seemed to catch my attention this past week: bought the new Matt Redman album on Itunes - and really love it. Have listened twice through and there are 3 that I love, but others am sure will grow. Also enjoyed listening to Beth Orton again...

next trip: it's not confirmed, but I might be on a youth residential in early October. Am also planning to be at Youthwork the Conference in November which should be great - didn't go last year but will be going en masse with a bunch of youthworkers from the Hub group that I connect with monthly.

stuff I'm into on TV/films right now: enjoying season 3 of The Tudors and also Come Dine with Me is proving a family hit!! The people are annoying but the narrator of the programme is hilarious!! Really want to see Julie and Julia...

Also, food wise, enjoying the Economy Gastronomy series on BBC2 and Nigel Slater's new series...he is a fabulous cook, not a chef and I relate to all his comments about using leftovers and trying flavours together...also LOVE his kitchen!!

Youth work done/upcoming: we started the new term of Giraffe last week having extended the age bracket to include year 9. Soul Searchers which is Sunday morning for years 6-9 seems to be going well with some new leaders and a good size group too. I have loads of observations and sessions happening at youth groups across the area this term, which I love!! 

What did you eat this weekend?? some yummy food, cooked for us as mentioned above, lovely Roast Chicken with roasted squash and fresh corn on the cob. We had roasted sausages and fennel tonight...and with our delivery of meat arriving on Friday we're well set for the next couple of months!!

I'm done already...

OK, so I'm done with the week...it's been a bit of a shock to the system to return to full pelt life in all it's fullness...only 4th September too, hey ho.

No-one's fault, just a combination of a busy few weeks leading up to the end of August - we didn't really stop between leaving for Soul Survivor on 12th August and getting back from my parents this Tuesday - and September biting me hard on the arse (sorry, hiney for US readers!!) I felt as though I had done quite a lot of prep work and getting ahead during the summer but there were some things still outstanding which I haven't done and that has probable clouded my overall sense of being 'in control'!!

We just got back into decent eating routine on Wednesday - for us, that is having our menu for the week planned out so whoever gets in first can start on dinner and we can see if we're missing anything and need to shop. It makes all the difference to our sense of well being and our budget but it's been hard to do when we've only been here a night or two and then away again. Despite having only 1 evening of work out of the house this week, I feel whacked but have had some early nights to no avail...The weekend beckons and I'm grateful, hoping to be a bit more motivated and with it by Monday.

One thing which I'm hoping might help overall is that we employed a cleaner today - which is something I feel hugely excited about but also monumentally guilty too...but I have to be less hard on myself in this respect. This is our reality - I work full time (plus a bit more), Andy works full time, we have a toddler. Andy Street Pastors, we run the youth at our church, we have family who lives miles away and we have tons of visitors which is what we love as well as a number of other responsibilities and ultimately things to keep this household running are not getting done. Those of you who know us well and have visited our home will know we do not live in squalor; we don't leave the washing up undone (often), we don't (often) have piles of washing all over the landing....generally we keep on top of it all, but that's about it! So, my lovely new cleaner lady Christine is going to take care of the deep clean stuff, like the big bathroom clean, mopping floors and moving furniture to hoover under it - stuff I NEVER do!

I get annoyed at myself for feeling guilty about employing a cleaner, cos I know it doesn't make me a failure- so I went back to the notes I wrote at Soul Survivor at the Women in Leadership seminar. I think sometimes, being a Christian woman can be a very hard place because you have huge expectations of yourself anyway and then there are even more from those 'watching you'. My response to the question "how do you do it?" (i.e. have a full time job, care for M, run a house, maintaining relationships, trying not to get fatter, smiling and being nice and compassionate and forgiving to people!) is to try and brush it off as a silly question "Oh you know, you do what you have to do"...when really I am knackered and feel frustrated and disappointed in myself and don't feel like I do any of it well. When I am also a woman in leadership, working for the Anglican Church, trying to be a role model for others, leading and teaching and trying to live this Kingdom life it can all sometimes become really hard work...it's really pants sometimes. Or is it just me? 

I said I was going to write up the notes from that SS seminar and I will - just not tonight, cos I'm tired. Instead, I'll leave you with some of my favourite pics from the weekend just gone, at home in Surrey with my family, having fun and being silly. I feel more rested from those 5 days than I have done all summer if I'm honest, but it didn't last long :-(

1st September - where did that come from??

A return to normality begins today as we return from Greenbelt (hubby) and parents into a half day of prep for school, work and nursery all beginning in earnest tomorrow.

It's been a great summer all in all - highlights include Falcon Camp fun, Soul Survivor B and being squashed, party hats, hen do, U2 360 tour, some great food and friends to share it with.

There have been some hard parts too - I'm still struggling with a remnant of a chest infection and don't feel particularly ready for the days ahead with work. Other issues, mainly involving our thinking and strategising about the priorities we live by and how we live more of a kingdom life not a life dictated by culture are a little harder to summarise here...but all linking back to my blog on Anglican identity, what it means to be church, how to live out the call placed on us by God and what we 'need' to do that...

So, there are decisions and changes in the offing in Smith world - not too much detail allowed here at present but your prayers are appreciated if you're that way inclined.

Will get back to Monday updates next week and hope that your return to the world of September is swift, flowing and not too traumatic!