funky doo

labyrinth and worship wonderings

Mark Berry (way out west) has a really useful blog with all sorts of reflections and resources and thinking about worship in all it's forms as well as stuff about his pioneer role in Telford. Click on 'worship/prayer' in his cloud to get the full selection.

In the midst of toddler vomiting episodes, car servicing appointments and guests departing from a weekend of birthday celebrations, I have been starting to pin down the thinking and piecemeal preparation I had already done for the Labyrinth in St Alban's on Friday night.

The link above to Mark's blog is to his section of worship and prayer resources and a particular piece that has helped my thinking is titled 'Bored with Worship'. As we start to put together the elements for this Labyrinth and the stations to fit around the theme of 'Darkness into Light' - we're really concious of this being an indigenous and organic process for the people who come and share in it with us. We provide some prompts, some words, some ideas, and leave them to connect them in their own way. We want to enhance the journey, provide a stake in the ground as a point to say 'what am I doing here and what is God doing?', but worship, youth work and faith has to be non-directive...so we go with the flow! Hard for me who likes to have a plan!

It's going to be a different event altogether from the SolidReMix event in January in Chelmsford Cathedral. For a start, we have a much bigger and seperate space, but that means we need to fill it appropriately!!

Here are some pics of the January event:

Holy Space - rest in the centre, BE and take some bread for the journey.

The prayer/reflection wall on the way out - leave an encouraging word for those who follow you or thank God for something he has shown you. Pretty full as you can see!

Seeing yourself as God sees you - created in love and fearfully and wonderfully made. Self portraits...
 
 Some of these elements will be appearing at the St Alban's event, but there will be some new things too, some stolen and others totally original (!) - so we'll post photos next weekend when we've caught up on some sleep!
 

funky doo family

We've decided to start a 'family blog' over at www.funkydoofamily.blogspot.com to try and seperate out the personal from the other stuff...so expect to see more pictures, M's artwork, funny stories and some of our family, friends and other randoms mentioned - see if you can see yourself??!!

Also, as we embark on an interesting and slightly scary journey in the coming months and years, having this joint blog will allow Andy to do some writing and thinking of his own in the blogosphere.

So come join us and see what you reckon...comments as always most welcome!!

simplicity and uncertainty

 A new Monday morning dawns and I seem to have fallen into a pattern of Mondays being an office/admin day. (well, it's worked the last few weeks, but a quick look at the diary shows it's the last for a while!) It works quite well as I get ahead of myself and the rest of the week seems to pan out better, notwithstanding the unexpected stuff of life with a toddler and in youth ministry!

I'm especially appreciating the space today as I get back to the nitty gritty after quite a grotty weekend.

Recent posts make no bones of the fact that, as a family and as individuals within that, we are in a bit of a state of flux. The history of all that goes back a long long way...around the time that Andy and I first met and he had returned to faith. Questions about our role in church leadership and which of us might be called to priesthood, ordination, church planting etc etc have always been around. They would at various times return to our present thinking for us to question and then would return to the back of our minds.

Our move down to Essex in 2006 was a response to a heightened sense that God was doing something new and different at that time - He certainly was as M came along pretty smartish after that! Her arrival and the move and the newness of jobs, church and location have all allowed us more space to say 'what now?'

In recent years, our understanding of our calling, as individuals and as a family has been in a certain language - church leadership, youth ministry, leadership development, mentoring....and along with our visit to the States in 2008 and my time at Pilgrimage and being immersed in LifeShapes stuff and The Order of Mission, we have had a lot to think about and process.

I'm always a bit sceptical when things that seem painful have a happy ending - they always seem to in other people! However, I can testify that out of the pain of my back injury in June, something became very clear. We were enjoying a weekend as a family as I was off work and we went for a (slow!) walk one Saturday before coming home for M to nap. During the nap time, I was leafing through youthwork magazine and was struck by a job vacancy which leapt out of the page at me...

The conversation that ensued involved us realising that we somehow needed to make space for Andy to explore the possibilities of ordination and the priesthood, specifically within the Anglican Church. He was first told/asked to consider that journey when he was 19 and at Oasis Youth Ministry in Manchester. It's been asked again more recently and become a more regular conversation (with others, rather than amongst the two of us) and we've always greeted it with a hmmm...But this was a realisation in both of us and this particular job provided a possible route, giving space as well as a return to an Anglican Church to gain immersion in that culture and the structural support that would be required.

With all that zooming round our heads, and the closing date for the job not until mid September, we plunged into our busy summer and talked about everything that was happening during car journeys and whilst trying to sleep at Soul Survivor! We put a number of fleeces out - and through those, God made it clear to apply for the job. Despite this, at one point I told Andy I couldn't go ahead, I loved my job too much and we needed to take things slower...but he and others rightly reminded me that the job had leapt out at us for a reason, and we needed to allow due process to happen. So I did apply, with some trepidation and reluctance but a huge amount of excitement and a sense of the possibilities opening up to us.

I've never been in that position - applying for a job when I didn't need a job or from having a job that I loved. It was a strange experience. My current job is one which has moulded around me, where I have found a niche and I see that God is using me to be effective in the local church. Although hugely challenging a lot of the time, it resonates with so much of where I know God wants to use me. As a family it works for us, it fulfills my need for people contact (although not always enough face to face youth work sometimes!)but I also have to be very self disciplined in how I work and managing my time effectively and spiritually.

I spent a long time over the application. By the end of it, I was fed up with the 'selling of myself' that such a process requires and I was glad to be done with it! Most of the time, I felt totally crippled with self doubt, could I do this if I got it, how would I cope with a job with such responsibility and the pressure of what the job might allow Andy to do as a result did feel like a big weight. Overall, it was all a hugely painful process - the thought of the implications of moving again (it is not a local job), the upheaval that would cause, the starting over (I had a stupid dream about there not being any hairdressers in the new place and my barnet getting out of control!!) and there were people that we wanted to make aware of this possible next move and whom we have hurt just in the telling. Despite the excitement and what this opportunity might all bring, we felt pretty crap.

And so we waited....and on Saturday, I got a letter to say that I hadn't been shortlisted.

Andy was in Brighton on the bike ride...so I stewed and ranted and cried a bit by myself. I talked to a few people...the general response was confusion, sympathy, surprise and sadness with a big fat dose of relief...one lovely person told me I'd always be top of their shortlist! A part of me was glad that I didn't get shortlisted - the door has been firmly closed and locked and there is no wondering about 'could I have done better' as there might have been with an interview.

And today, I sit here in my office, sorting out the mundane and pushing paper around, doing some emails and prep for training and I wonder...what is God doing? He's doing something, that's for sure and I'm running into that, cos He is my strong tower and my hiding place.

This is what we know: we know Andy is called to the priesthood, but we don't know how or in what 'way'. We know we want to respond to God's call, for Andy specifically at this time but for our family overall. We know for that to take place, we need to be back in an Anglican Church to allow that process to happen. We know we need to honour the process of selection that is required and we want to do that well while exiting and leaving behind other things in a godly and sensitive way. We know God has it in hand and we know He loves us. We know that this has been His call on Andy's life since he was 19. And we know God has never let us down and won't this time.

These are the simple facts - we share with you what we know...and we wait for God to make the next step clear. It's OK, because He is in control. I have no idea whether applying for THAT job was the wrong decision or whether we just needed to go through that process to make the priesthood path clearer. Who knows...but I'm glad we're not going anywhere for a while!

Andy's is the pink bum ;-)

 

eee, shut that door!

A few doors have been firmly closed today - not just closed but locked really!

At the risk of continuing to be a bit cryptic, I'm staying where I am and am pleased about it. Relieved too, as I know others are!

As for the nominations to the episcopate, there may be a Smith going in that direction (one step at a time, you understand!) but it ain't me!! Thanks for the encouragement though - I'll start stashing fairy liquid bottles for the white plastic supply. I hear priests are skint so cost saving methods are a sensible pattern to adopt!??

Andy has returned from his 100 mile cycle around Brighton and Eastbourne for Cherish Uganda and he and his team have almost raised their target £1000. If you fancy helping them inch a little closer click here. Me and M had a lovely day at Barleylands with fantastic sunshine and lots to do.

Just finishing off our Harvest Family service outline for tomorrow - using a whole heap of different things including Nooma (Rich), Desert Island Discs and Advent Conspiracy...should be good!!

Evening Services at All Saints Maldon

Our friend Alex from Falcon Camp has been piloting a new format monthly evening service last term at All Saints in Maldon, which is continuing this term. My hubby was involved in helping with the sound etc and preached on one occasion.

The publicity and such info appear below - so please do spread the word, give it a go and let us have some feedback on here as Alex is a regular reader...!

I'm done already...

OK, so I'm done with the week...it's been a bit of a shock to the system to return to full pelt life in all it's fullness...only 4th September too, hey ho.

No-one's fault, just a combination of a busy few weeks leading up to the end of August - we didn't really stop between leaving for Soul Survivor on 12th August and getting back from my parents this Tuesday - and September biting me hard on the arse (sorry, hiney for US readers!!) I felt as though I had done quite a lot of prep work and getting ahead during the summer but there were some things still outstanding which I haven't done and that has probable clouded my overall sense of being 'in control'!!

We just got back into decent eating routine on Wednesday - for us, that is having our menu for the week planned out so whoever gets in first can start on dinner and we can see if we're missing anything and need to shop. It makes all the difference to our sense of well being and our budget but it's been hard to do when we've only been here a night or two and then away again. Despite having only 1 evening of work out of the house this week, I feel whacked but have had some early nights to no avail...The weekend beckons and I'm grateful, hoping to be a bit more motivated and with it by Monday.

One thing which I'm hoping might help overall is that we employed a cleaner today - which is something I feel hugely excited about but also monumentally guilty too...but I have to be less hard on myself in this respect. This is our reality - I work full time (plus a bit more), Andy works full time, we have a toddler. Andy Street Pastors, we run the youth at our church, we have family who lives miles away and we have tons of visitors which is what we love as well as a number of other responsibilities and ultimately things to keep this household running are not getting done. Those of you who know us well and have visited our home will know we do not live in squalor; we don't leave the washing up undone (often), we don't (often) have piles of washing all over the landing....generally we keep on top of it all, but that's about it! So, my lovely new cleaner lady Christine is going to take care of the deep clean stuff, like the big bathroom clean, mopping floors and moving furniture to hoover under it - stuff I NEVER do!

I get annoyed at myself for feeling guilty about employing a cleaner, cos I know it doesn't make me a failure- so I went back to the notes I wrote at Soul Survivor at the Women in Leadership seminar. I think sometimes, being a Christian woman can be a very hard place because you have huge expectations of yourself anyway and then there are even more from those 'watching you'. My response to the question "how do you do it?" (i.e. have a full time job, care for M, run a house, maintaining relationships, trying not to get fatter, smiling and being nice and compassionate and forgiving to people!) is to try and brush it off as a silly question "Oh you know, you do what you have to do"...when really I am knackered and feel frustrated and disappointed in myself and don't feel like I do any of it well. When I am also a woman in leadership, working for the Anglican Church, trying to be a role model for others, leading and teaching and trying to live this Kingdom life it can all sometimes become really hard work...it's really pants sometimes. Or is it just me? 

I said I was going to write up the notes from that SS seminar and I will - just not tonight, cos I'm tired. Instead, I'll leave you with some of my favourite pics from the weekend just gone, at home in Surrey with my family, having fun and being silly. I feel more rested from those 5 days than I have done all summer if I'm honest, but it didn't last long :-(

1st September - where did that come from??

A return to normality begins today as we return from Greenbelt (hubby) and parents into a half day of prep for school, work and nursery all beginning in earnest tomorrow.

It's been a great summer all in all - highlights include Falcon Camp fun, Soul Survivor B and being squashed, party hats, hen do, U2 360 tour, some great food and friends to share it with.

There have been some hard parts too - I'm still struggling with a remnant of a chest infection and don't feel particularly ready for the days ahead with work. Other issues, mainly involving our thinking and strategising about the priorities we live by and how we live more of a kingdom life not a life dictated by culture are a little harder to summarise here...but all linking back to my blog on Anglican identity, what it means to be church, how to live out the call placed on us by God and what we 'need' to do that...

So, there are decisions and changes in the offing in Smith world - not too much detail allowed here at present but your prayers are appreciated if you're that way inclined.

Will get back to Monday updates next week and hope that your return to the world of September is swift, flowing and not too traumatic!

catch up Friday

Hey y'all,

A couple of people have mentioned that my Monday updates are lacking of late - sorry but I've been busy! Namely Falcon Camp which finished last Thursday and then recovery...followed by back to work in a house which is most definitely in summer hols mode - no mean feat! So I have been trying to be disciplined and just do work in the office and not other 'non-work but not quite fun tasks' and then go and have fun with my family!

Falcon Camp went really well - great weather, brilliant team, amazing kids and an amazing God at work. We're grateful and blessed to be part of such a thing and although it is a lot of organising and stress at the final furlong, it's something we know we'll be doing for a long time...

We missed our M a lot - and it was great when she returned from my parents in Surrey on Friday afternoon. Fun in the park and a dinner out to Intimo, our favourite pasta restaurant followed and we also had a chilled rest day on Saturday, catching up on some chores and sorting and resorting the Falcon Camp equipment that was all in our garage.

I've worked all this week as normal - a few meetings here and there, getting lots of filing and project work done in this quiet season for me. All the while, the other 2 have been having a ton of fun, going to Ikea, the Zoo in Colchester and playdates in Prom Park...we did have a famil day in London on Wednesday, visiting Andy's best man Richard, his wife Natasha and their new addition (no 2), Albie. Their daughter Eliza is 6 months younger than M, so we had the expected mix of great play and screeching rows about sharing etc! But it was lovely to see them and a great adventure for M, as we left their place at 10.15pm and got on 2 trains in the dark!!

I was really blessed to get a cheque through the post this week to go towards replacing some of the clothes I had stolen from the train the other month. My insurance claim was declined on the grounds that I didn't have 3 nights pre-booked accomodation in Sheffield. The fact that I wasn't claiming anything to do with my accommodation seems to be irrelevant and I can prove I was in Sheffield for that period by my train tickets - but never mind. I have been living with just 2 bras and 1 pair of jeans, so a little money to replace those well worn basics is very timely!

So, to take us up to Monday when I hope to get back on track with the monday updates - we're at a wedding tomorrow in Buckhurst Hill, and my sister is coming to have M for the afternoon. Sunday will be church and then a BBQ in the evening for all those we're taking to Soul Survivor next Wednesday. Really looking forward to the space to be - and in a caravan!! Luxury!

So, see you Monday - all being well!

An Anglican at odds with herself...

It's been some time since I've been so prolific on this blog...but this is a post that has probably been brewing since our visit to Tennessee last summer...so I'm writing what I feel. This by no means represents the views of my Diocese or Episcopal Area or my current church; it's just a way to make sense of my history and my future and where I sit in the crazy world of the Anglican Communion and the Body of Christ.

(warning, a bit long winded, but bear with me!) make a cuppa and pull up a chair!

I am a Christian to the core but an Anglican as my history and my path thus far. I became a Christian at the age of 15, being part of a local (5 minutes walk) church which just happened to be Anglican (Church of England). Youth workers there discipled me, taught me the faith, helped me process, journeyed with me. Friends there remain - many Facebook friends, others I see more regularly, one is now a spiritual director of sorts. As far as I was concerned, this was church...I didn't really know there was any other 'type'. It was only when I embarked on my year out that the denomination issue really came home to me. But I was pretty certain of my faith, what I believed and my relationship with my Saviour and I enjoyed getting to know new 'reformed' ways!

At Uni I spent time at a Black Pentecostal Church and at an ex-Brethren Christian fellowship church and really began to understand the variety and beauty of the ways in which church happens and what it means for different people. I loved the fact that I had a choice, but I also knew in my own mind that there were clear issues around which I had strong opinions. The place of women in the church always troubled me...both my Uni churches didn't encourage women to speak apart from in offering 'testimony'. I grappled with this instinctive rebellion alongside what Scripture says, particularly in Paul's writings.

When I moved to my first Parish youthworker post, I don't remember particularly taking much notice of the theological standpoint of the church I was applying to when I filled in the form. In the Sunday morning service during the interview weekend, I knew I was at home. I resonated in my soul and my spirit with the 'form' of the worship. Yes it followed a familiar Anglican pattern, but it was FAMILY. People spoke the words to each other and administered Eucharist in a profondly moving way. It all brought me screeching through the previous 4 years of my life and squarely back to this Anglican heritage that I hadn't really realised was so embedded within me.

This 'Anglican legacy' that I live with is a comforting knowledge but it hasn't been a bind. I've been in 2 non-denominational churches since then, as well as an Anglican Church...I'm in relationship with Jesus, that makes me a Christian first and an Anglican somewhere down the line in terms of how I define myself.

HOWEVER, that doesn't make me unreactive to all that is and has been happening with the worldwide Anglican Communion. I am not really someone who is interested in the detailed discussion, motions, votes, although I do follow a few choice blogs that keep me updated (mainly Dave Walker on Church Times blog).

Our visit to Tennessee last year, to a church in the Anglican Mission in the Americas (AMiA) was a profound experience, in which we had to acknowledge the distinct and seemingly irrepairable differences that had come about leading up to and directly after Gene Robinson's election as Bishop. Just recently the founding of the Anglican Church in North America (ACNA) seemed to be, to me anyway, an incredible shoot of collective possibility, as factions, denominations and church traditions met together in the forming of a new province which focused on mission and extending the kingdom to those who DON'T YET KNOW.

This is the rub: the Church of England is too focused on maintaining what it has and keeping the people in the pews happy. (I speak my own opinion here but I travel a wide area and talk to a lot of people so I am making a considered generalisation). Mission, Kingdom, talking about Jesus and making disciples is RARELY the top of the agenda. Running programmes, thinking about Alpha, doing a fun day, etc. are all important but not at the expense of the fundamental call of Jesus - to go, preach the kingdom, heal the sick, share people's lives, Acts 2 living. People in this country are frightened to leave their churches...and the Church of England has made people believe that there is a threat to the existence of the church from those who are already within it - women and homosexuals.

This is utterly crazy talk. The fundamental basis of the Christian faith is that through Jesus, who broke himself open for us, we can find wholeness in our brokeness. The foundation of the Eucharist (read more about this thinking in Rob Bell's book Jesus wants to save Christians) is a broken body and spilled blood. A sacrifice made once and for all - FOR ALL. 

(some great stuff on this blog reflecting on this teaching)

Frankly, my opinion of the Anglican Communion at present, and to be honest, other churches that I know well and not part of this 'worldwide family', is that 'it' (the church) is not prepared to sacrifice itself for anyone else. It's investment focus is on keeping the status-quo and if there was anything further from Jesus mind, it was the status quo. 

But I am filled with a strange hope when I read about the formation of the ACNA and it's attempts to restart...the AMia could have stuck to it's guns, stayed seperate and not risked further collaborations, since it is already doing well by itself. But this sacrifice gives me strange hope and it's something I want to keep an eye on. 

On the flipside I am frustrated that, just by writing this, I am running the risk of being categorised as a conservative evangelical...yes I am, but no I'm not. Why is it that we have to categorise ourselves in our doctrine and worship styles?? As I outlined above, I've done a bit of everything and ultimately, I'm still in the same place I am. I'm comfortable in the sense that I trust God to work these things out...but regardless of 'theological standing' I am not seeing many churches that are working out the Acts 2 principle in a way which is authentic without becomign ghetto-ized.

My mind is so all over the place with this, so please forgive the random junctures. 

Preaching: who is it for?? Is it so we can be confirmed in what we think and go away feeling happy that we have it right...or is it meant to be about starting a discussion, bringing questions, grappling them together and then taking then OUT THERE...?

Worship through singing: is not a performance and is not the way we should grade a church. Excellent worship is not about it being tight or beautifully sung or contemporary or traditional. Surely it is about HOW it enables each and every person to draw near to God? The Bible clearly states that when one or two are gathered together in His name, Jesus is there. Do we need to invite him in? Does the quality of the worship affect my relationship with God? It shouldn't...but it does. How have we allowed this to be the norm...cos it is in my life and the circles I move in. Should we say to the person who leads our singing (whether organist, guitarist or vocalist) 'that was great this morning' or 'I didn't like it'...I hear those comments every week...not sure that's the right place to be?

Sundays/Church: I'm having major issues with church right now...passionately believing in it and yet finding that nothing is peaceful within it. Now I could be falling into the same trap as I outlined above and probably I am to some extent, replying on feelings...I don't enjoy or feel content or challenged at church right now (not just my own but everywhere). I feel disatisfied...More than anything, I want to be reconciled with myself and the fact that I feel ultimately Anglican at my heart and my heritage, but I am not comfortable in the core of any church structure. Some of the meetings I was in this week frustrated me to a point of jacking it all in...maintenance and buildings and keeping the bare minimum rather than saying what is working and how can we develop and encourage and resource it? Going to a non-denominational seemed to give me (us) the freedom to explore and be questioning and be on the margins without anyone thinking that was odd...but we have slowly been sucked in. Maintenance is still a prime focus and while there has to be some stability, the same old concerns come throough for me and attendance and membership and being categorised are the things that identify you. I don't think I want to be so pinned down anymore. Sunday after Sunday we rush around, packing cars, picking up instruments, setting up, setting down, teaching, singing, talking, eating and drinking and then we go home and get set up for the evening activities for the same people...something is wrong. 

Something is wrong because we are so busy on a Sunday and a Thursday and a Tuesday with church stuff that we don't stop to talk to our neighbour who is doing gardening out the front or the family opposite who arrive home the same time as us. We lose half a day of Sunday, which should be a day which focuses on God and we spend that half day setting up a service when we could be out there meeting people where the actually are, which isn't in our building.

Finally...some key thoughts from the blog post I linked to above....with my own italics added:

A church is invited to be a Eucharist to its community - broken and poured out...

Luke 22:18 - "Do this in remembrance of me."

What if Jesus was using this in a broader sense of saying, "Do this (what you see ME DOING) in remembrance of me?"  ...an invitation to be a living eucharist for the world we live in.

Too often, we try to reproduce another church's Eucharist without being broken or poured out.  The reason it worked there in the first place was because SOMEONE poured out.  So we need to ask the question: What does it mean for me to be a Eucharist to these people (in our communities/culture) here and now?

If our church was removed from our community, who would protest?

What does it mean to be a "good gift" to our community? 

There is always a cost...  If Eucharist is "pouring out" you must allow time to pour back in.

Where are you in the Eucharist rhythm?

I've been writing this piece a while now and it should probably get published. Regular readers, my friends and soul mates, those who we've journeyed with me and Andy before will recognise this restlessness from times before - sorry!!...be assured that it's the same questions we've always had, just seen through the telescope of world affairs in the Anglican Communion and our current context. We've grown up a lot, especially since having M and we don't do the spontaneous, quick decision making anymore, can't and shouldn't. And we certainly want to do our thinking and wondering with you as we take stock a bit...so however long we've known you, or even if not at all and your a stranger in person but a friend of the blog, talk to us in the comments - recommend books to read or things to consider, tell us your journeys...

Thanks for your time...for getting this far at least! Having finished your cuppa (as instructed at the top) have a nap now!

I will ;-)

what's new??

Silence has descended here on funky doo for a wee while because - well, I haven't felt too funky!!

2 weeks ago tomorrow, I managed to injure my back and have been struggling with mobility, pain and general frustration ever since. Without going into all the horrendous details, the main trigger was just pure and simple parenting...putting M into her buggy at the park, twisting and bending at the same time to sling her shoes into the basket at the bottom and.....owwww!

I laid out for a couple of days, had the doctor over when it wouldn't go away, got some Valium (which was nice and soothing!) and thought it would all go away in a couple of days....ha ha ha ha!

I just got back driving today, 13 days later. I have had to cancel a lot of work commitments because I couldn't get there or even if I could, I wouldn't have been able to set up/speak/present/stand to do what I had to do...I never cancel, well not for something like this where I am perfectly well apart from being unable to get up or sit down!

In my time at home, I have been trying to do useful things, which aren't the usual every day things like hoovering and dishwasher-undoing!! That was impossible...but I have been making a claim for my stolen bag a few weeks ago now, getting ahead on some Falcon Camp preparation, lots of admin although haven't tackled the filing tray as that would involve bending! I did get to the Bradwell Pilgrimage on Saturday (Independence Day!) which I was pleased about as I have spent the last year on the planning committee, doing the website and publicity and was coordinating the Youth Zone on the day. In the end, it was more low key than I had imagined but that was probably good for me and everyone else, as it pretty much ran itself and I could observe and heckle from the sidelines!! I was so grateful for Stuart from Bar n Bus Trust and Jamie from Legacy Rayleigh who brought along their equipment and to the brilliant youth workers and volunteers who served that day in the blazing heat!! Phil, Dave, Lucy, Donna, Megan, Shaun, Lewis, Lee and John...thanks a million!!

This week has been slightly better as I have improved each day. Tuesday was a bit of a '2 steps forward, 1 step back' as I woke up in a lot more pain having overdone it on Monday. Tuesday I had to cancel everything in my diary and felt very yucky, upping the painkillers again and feeling generally 'hemmed in' from lack of interaction and activity outside the house. Yesterday, Wednesday, I went out to Suffolk (with AP as my chauffeur!) to the Eastern Region of Diocesan Youth Officer's meeting and lunch, which was very nice. I didn't feel too uncomfortable sitting in the car or at the table so that was an achievement and it was good to catch up with everyone and ease myself back in a little. A wide ranging conversation at Elveden Estate (yummy Chicken Ceaser Salad!) included issues around participation, the new Youth and Children's National Strategy, the Church of England Youth Council and a round up of what is going on in each Diocese and a chance to pray for one another.

So today, I finally feel almost pain free, just needing a couple of Nurofen at lunch time. I feel blessed in many ways to have been forced to slow down. God has his ways of making us hear him when all we seem to be doing is just 'getting on with it'. (Those Kairos moments - LifeShapes Circle! I'm learning!) I hadn't really stopped since half term and looking back at my diary, I had only had 1 weekend off since February, apart from the weekends we were travelling to our holiday. I was initially so frustrated that a weekend off had turned into a weekend of pain and being stuck in bed, but once I accepted it, I have enjoyed some solitude and silence, time on my own which I am not always good at, a chance to read and particularly to continue my reflections on my time in Sheffield, on the LifeShapes and The Order of Mission (TOM). I have been writing some posts on all this and keep thinking they are about ready to publish, but they are not quite!! Watch this space.

Other highlights of the last few weeks have been Andy's cooking of which there has been a lot more (lovely fresh stir fry's and flavoursome marinated meats!!), speaking to lovely Emily King on the phone in Tennessee (who also directed me to this website). We miss them both heaps and hope to see them again in 2011 sometime...that's the plan! Also a very funny night with our Giraffe group on Sunday involving cometitive Jenga competitions and a domino rally too!

As well as that, Hubby and I have had more time to talk, we haven't had to schedule 'money evenings' or date nights as normal because I've been here more and that has been really nice. We will be making sure that when we're at Soul Survivor B in a few weeks time that we are disciplined about having our mornings together when M is at her kids group...praying, talking, chatting over a cuppa and going to teaching. We have a lot to process at the mo - not just the TOM stuff but also planning ahead for youth in the autumn term and dreaming and scheming!

So, I'll sign off for now and go and get my daughter from her childminder - a small thing, but I haven't done that for nearly 3 weeks and it's such a precious thing...seeing her excitement at telling me what she has done at Kiko's and talking and singing on the way home.

Have a great evening! xx