It's been some time since I've been so prolific on this blog...but this is a post that has probably been brewing since our visit to Tennessee last summer...so I'm writing what I feel. This by no means represents the views of my Diocese or Episcopal Area or my current church; it's just a way to make sense of my history and my future and where I sit in the crazy world of the Anglican Communion and the Body of Christ.
(warning, a bit long winded, but bear with me!) make a cuppa and pull up a chair!
I am a Christian to the core but an Anglican as my history and my path thus far. I became a Christian at the age of 15, being part of a local (5 minutes walk) church which just happened to be Anglican (Church of England). Youth workers there discipled me, taught me the faith, helped me process, journeyed with me. Friends there remain - many Facebook friends, others I see more regularly, one is now a spiritual director of sorts. As far as I was concerned, this was church...I didn't really know there was any other 'type'. It was only when I embarked on my year out that the denomination issue really came home to me. But I was pretty certain of my faith, what I believed and my relationship with my Saviour and I enjoyed getting to know new 'reformed' ways!
At Uni I spent time at a Black Pentecostal Church and at an ex-Brethren Christian fellowship church and really began to understand the variety and beauty of the ways in which church happens and what it means for different people. I loved the fact that I had a choice, but I also knew in my own mind that there were clear issues around which I had strong opinions. The place of women in the church always troubled me...both my Uni churches didn't encourage women to speak apart from in offering 'testimony'. I grappled with this instinctive rebellion alongside what Scripture says, particularly in Paul's writings.
When I moved to my first Parish youthworker post, I don't remember particularly taking much notice of the theological standpoint of the church I was applying to when I filled in the form. In the Sunday morning service during the interview weekend, I knew I was at home. I resonated in my soul and my spirit with the 'form' of the worship. Yes it followed a familiar Anglican pattern, but it was FAMILY. People spoke the words to each other and administered Eucharist in a profondly moving way. It all brought me screeching through the previous 4 years of my life and squarely back to this Anglican heritage that I hadn't really realised was so embedded within me.
This 'Anglican legacy' that I live with is a comforting knowledge but it hasn't been a bind. I've been in 2 non-denominational churches since then, as well as an Anglican Church...I'm in relationship with Jesus, that makes me a Christian first and an Anglican somewhere down the line in terms of how I define myself.
HOWEVER, that doesn't make me unreactive to all that is and has been happening with the worldwide Anglican Communion. I am not really someone who is interested in the detailed discussion, motions, votes, although I do follow a few choice blogs that keep me updated (mainly Dave Walker on Church Times blog).
Our visit to Tennessee last year, to a church in the Anglican Mission in the Americas (AMiA) was a profound experience, in which we had to acknowledge the distinct and seemingly irrepairable differences that had come about leading up to and directly after Gene Robinson's election as Bishop. Just recently the founding of the Anglican Church in North America (ACNA) seemed to be, to me anyway, an incredible shoot of collective possibility, as factions, denominations and church traditions met together in the forming of a new province which focused on mission and extending the kingdom to those who DON'T YET KNOW.
This is the rub: the Church of England is too focused on maintaining what it has and keeping the people in the pews happy. (I speak my own opinion here but I travel a wide area and talk to a lot of people so I am making a considered generalisation). Mission, Kingdom, talking about Jesus and making disciples is RARELY the top of the agenda. Running programmes, thinking about Alpha, doing a fun day, etc. are all important but not at the expense of the fundamental call of Jesus - to go, preach the kingdom, heal the sick, share people's lives, Acts 2 living. People in this country are frightened to leave their churches...and the Church of England has made people believe that there is a threat to the existence of the church from those who are already within it - women and homosexuals.
This is utterly crazy talk. The fundamental basis of the Christian faith is that through Jesus, who broke himself open for us, we can find wholeness in our brokeness. The foundation of the Eucharist (read more about this thinking in Rob Bell's book Jesus wants to save Christians) is a broken body and spilled blood. A sacrifice made once and for all - FOR ALL.
(some great stuff on this blog reflecting on this teaching)
Frankly, my opinion of the Anglican Communion at present, and to be honest, other churches that I know well and not part of this 'worldwide family', is that 'it' (the church) is not prepared to sacrifice itself for anyone else. It's investment focus is on keeping the status-quo and if there was anything further from Jesus mind, it was the status quo.
But I am filled with a strange hope when I read about the formation of the ACNA and it's attempts to restart...the AMia could have stuck to it's guns, stayed seperate and not risked further collaborations, since it is already doing well by itself. But this sacrifice gives me strange hope and it's something I want to keep an eye on.
On the flipside I am frustrated that, just by writing this, I am running the risk of being categorised as a conservative evangelical...yes I am, but no I'm not. Why is it that we have to categorise ourselves in our doctrine and worship styles?? As I outlined above, I've done a bit of everything and ultimately, I'm still in the same place I am. I'm comfortable in the sense that I trust God to work these things out...but regardless of 'theological standing' I am not seeing many churches that are working out the Acts 2 principle in a way which is authentic without becomign ghetto-ized.
My mind is so all over the place with this, so please forgive the random junctures.
Preaching: who is it for?? Is it so we can be confirmed in what we think and go away feeling happy that we have it right...or is it meant to be about starting a discussion, bringing questions, grappling them together and then taking then OUT THERE...?
Worship through singing: is not a performance and is not the way we should grade a church. Excellent worship is not about it being tight or beautifully sung or contemporary or traditional. Surely it is about HOW it enables each and every person to draw near to God? The Bible clearly states that when one or two are gathered together in His name, Jesus is there. Do we need to invite him in? Does the quality of the worship affect my relationship with God? It shouldn't...but it does. How have we allowed this to be the norm...cos it is in my life and the circles I move in. Should we say to the person who leads our singing (whether organist, guitarist or vocalist) 'that was great this morning' or 'I didn't like it'...I hear those comments every week...not sure that's the right place to be?
Sundays/Church: I'm having major issues with church right now...passionately believing in it and yet finding that nothing is peaceful within it. Now I could be falling into the same trap as I outlined above and probably I am to some extent, replying on feelings...I don't enjoy or feel content or challenged at church right now (not just my own but everywhere). I feel disatisfied...More than anything, I want to be reconciled with myself and the fact that I feel ultimately Anglican at my heart and my heritage, but I am not comfortable in the core of any church structure. Some of the meetings I was in this week frustrated me to a point of jacking it all in...maintenance and buildings and keeping the bare minimum rather than saying what is working and how can we develop and encourage and resource it? Going to a non-denominational seemed to give me (us) the freedom to explore and be questioning and be on the margins without anyone thinking that was odd...but we have slowly been sucked in. Maintenance is still a prime focus and while there has to be some stability, the same old concerns come throough for me and attendance and membership and being categorised are the things that identify you. I don't think I want to be so pinned down anymore. Sunday after Sunday we rush around, packing cars, picking up instruments, setting up, setting down, teaching, singing, talking, eating and drinking and then we go home and get set up for the evening activities for the same people...something is wrong.
Something is wrong because we are so busy on a Sunday and a Thursday and a Tuesday with church stuff that we don't stop to talk to our neighbour who is doing gardening out the front or the family opposite who arrive home the same time as us. We lose half a day of Sunday, which should be a day which focuses on God and we spend that half day setting up a service when we could be out there meeting people where the actually are, which isn't in our building.
Finally...some key thoughts from the blog post I linked to above....with my own italics added:
A church is invited to be a Eucharist to its community - broken and poured out...
Luke 22:18 - "Do this in remembrance of me."
What if Jesus was using this in a broader sense of saying, "Do this (what you see ME DOING) in remembrance of me?" ...an invitation to be a living eucharist for the world we live in.
Too often, we try to reproduce another church's Eucharist without being broken or poured out. The reason it worked there in the first place was because SOMEONE poured out. So we need to ask the question: What does it mean for me to be a Eucharist to these people (in our communities/culture) here and now?
If our church was removed from our community, who would protest?
What does it mean to be a "good gift" to our community?
There is always a cost... If Eucharist is "pouring out" you must allow time to pour back in.
Where are you in the Eucharist rhythm?
I've been writing this piece a while now and it should probably get published. Regular readers, my friends and soul mates, those who we've journeyed with me and Andy before will recognise this restlessness from times before - sorry!!...be assured that it's the same questions we've always had, just seen through the telescope of world affairs in the Anglican Communion and our current context. We've grown up a lot, especially since having M and we don't do the spontaneous, quick decision making anymore, can't and shouldn't. And we certainly want to do our thinking and wondering with you as we take stock a bit...so however long we've known you, or even if not at all and your a stranger in person but a friend of the blog, talk to us in the comments - recommend books to read or things to consider, tell us your journeys...
Thanks for your time...for getting this far at least! Having finished your cuppa (as instructed at the top) have a nap now!
I will ;-)
Hi Alice,
Such a public out-pouring of well considered restlessness deserves a public thought to get the debate going. I honestly hope that all the people who read your blog find the time to respond too. For what you bring up is the real debate the church should be having - not about how we preserve things - but how we should honour God with our lives. Just to start the ball rolling here are a few thoughts of my own.
thought 1:
The established church today is so protective of its own culture that it reminds me very much of the pharisees in the Bible - so keen to keep the status quo that they missed the fact that God was in their midst and wanted them to reconsider their actions. The institution of church always creates people who need to maintain it. This is the same for the instituation of free churches as well as mainstream denominations. It is a lot to do with whether your identity as a methodist / anglican / NFI / brethren / ... (delete as a appopriate) is more important than your identity as a forgiven child of God.
Thought 2:
Steve Chalk gave an incredible sermon once that I was so glad to be present for. He said that churches often do the following.... From their understanding of their own culture (ecclesiology) they have a set range of actions they take part in and do (their missiology). These activities give an indication to the commununity of what they believe about God (their theology). With that understood they can describe what Jesus came for (their Christology). What a wonderful description because Steve's key point wasn't about describing how churches are now, it was about saying how churches should be - and that is to be completely inverted...
ie Look at (and study) Jesus as described in the Bible and get a direct understanding of Christology. From this understanding let this be fundamental in building your theology. With this develop the things a community of believers *should* be doing to serve the people around them and understand what our missiology is. Now we have a set of actions that honour God, are consistant with Jesus' teachings and actions, and honour God lets shape church like that (and hence we have our ecclesiology).
So often we discover what we should be doing as Christians from the shape of our own Church, when actually we should be doing what God would want us to do and church should be shaped around people of action.
Thought 3:
Does this mean I am against the church - no far from it. Churches are imperfect organisations because they are made up of imperfect people. They are also places of fellowship and they provide corporate acts of worship that unify and teaching that encourages us to think deeper. They don't all need to be the same shape but they do need to have at the core of the leadership the desire to honour God (not the desire to do something numerically significant so that the institution of xyz (insert denominational organisation here) gives the leader positive affirmation. We need to serve our churches and our communities understanding - as Matt Redman put it - that what we do is for the audience of One. (Except that we are human and one of our weakenesses is that we always like the affirmation of others.)
Thought 4:
A very twee phrase I heard once at university stuck within me because it has always made sense. People do church activities because it is safe to hang out with other Christians all the time. With this they often fail to impact on the world around them but continue to live 'good Christian lives'. The twee phrase was "a ship in harbour is safe - but that's not what ships are made for". Our church should be a safe place for us to recharge our batteries, take on new resources to help deal with the world that we might meet, and then we must sail out of the harbour. Being Christians that hide inside the harbours of church-activities is not we are made for.
Church institutions/denominations are always fraught with politics and misguided direction - but they are also the bride of Christ. Oh what a paradox.
My own response on a daily basis, is to keep serving. When I make mistakes in my own life I become less effective, so I must return to the cross, start anew by grace (again) as only Christianity enables us to do, and keep serving. Every-so-often it is important to stand up and say what you believe in and sometimes this creates new ways to serve and sometimes it closes down current ways. But in standing up and saying stuff that resonates with your heart and with God's heart you are doing something prophetic.
So thank you Alice for starting the debate going - for being prophetic. If you feel like continuing this over a drink get a baby-sitter and come to our church tonight and we can continue this over a drink afterwards - not just to let out frustrations with church, but perhaps to explore ways for our churches and ourselves to move forward honouring God with these frustrations held in contention.
Anyway - now it's time to get ready for Church (and all that that might be!)
Posted by: AlxR | July 19, 2009 at 09:12 AM
Greetings Alice
Just wanted to say a massive thanks for this article! Not only is it prophetic and deeply profound it also has a huge resonance for me and, I am absolutely sure, with very many others.
I guess I am an Anglican now by default yet I long to say I will never become one... for a multitude of reasons.
There are huge problems of intertia which effectively means the church is not able to shift its focus from maintaining the status quo. It scarily assumes its lofty postion in town or rural village and generally waits for the hatches, matches and despatches to coming knocking. An example of this is a good friend's daughter moved into accomodation in Colchester and has received many handbill and invitations to various 'free' church events and services and completely zilch from the local C of E.
And I feel we are at fault by perpetuating that scenario as, apart from the chosen clergyone and Verger, there is more often than not no members of the church present at these momentous events in the surrounding community's history.
Another point is it seems so reluctant to reclaim culture and, at the risk of incurring wrath of certain clergy, interpreting the message so it is clearly understood. An example of what I mean happens in typical Maundy Thursday services. Whilst the ritual of washing a foot is wonderful, the bigger point of what it actually means is significant... so cleaning the dust and filth off someones shoes (and both of them for goodness sake!!!) would be a real demonstration of humility and servanthood and make the point real.
On the Music for Worship front I am with you bigtime... my emphasis would be to joyfully enable a congregation to worship using 'hymns and spiritual songs'. The trouble is so many modern Worship songs fall into neither category, that's a whole subject in itself though!
Anyway, rambled on enough and hope you cope with everything that's coming up for you and the family.
Personally I would recommend getting to Greenbelt (if you haven't already you could go free for the first time) and finding you are SO not alone ;-) It is a little bit of Heaven everytime - and this year you get to hear Rob Bell, of course!
And... if you are around on 2nd August make the pilgrimage to Bradwell to see After the Fire doing their service, includes Rob Halligan as lead singer and yours truly.
Best
PB
Posted by: Peter Banks | July 21, 2009 at 03:06 PM
Thank you for being so honest. Your thoughts here echo many Anglican emotions that so many of us share. I can see that it is an expression of love and concern for the body of Christ within your denomination and or church group/community. That is a good thing and healthy sign that your heart has passion and desire to keep moving forward in the walk with Yeshua. Yes our lives can seem busy with 'churchy' things and we can often feel that we are missing what the Lord would have us do. But are we? It can be that we revolve ourselves around what we are doing because 'we' feel that we are too busy and missing the important stuff. We focus on 'us' and the fact that we are not living out the sharing of the gospel. Again, that is our own emotion and thoughts about our situation. I am probably making a real mess of trying to explain what i want to say so do forgive me, but when you can 'see' God in the most mundane and boring busy areas of your life, then you are getting close to His Heart. The grass can seem greener when we feel so wrapped up in our 'churchy' stuff. I always find this a time to seek the Lord in retreat and ask Him what He would have me do. What is His will in my life with the feelings that I hold? Anyway, as I said, it is a healthy sign that you are honest about your thoughts. God Bless you!
Posted by: Steve Hearn | July 21, 2009 at 07:59 PM
Hi Alice - Good to hear your thoughts!
I'm training in a baptist college (Spurgeon's) as a evangelist and work for a Baptist Church on Mersea Island (I know Sam Norton well and Peter Banks who commented above) and I too share your frustrations!!
I believe many are feeling confused by the current state of affairs within the church in the west and are desperate to explore new ways of engaging with people with the gospel. My college is being really supportive of my desire to do this and the Baptist Union are just about beginning to help people like myself to have opportunities to explore new ways of being church, but it's a struggle!
I agree about the madness of how busy church life is. It sucks out all our time to actually be with people who don't know Jesus.
Something the BU have done is called 'Crossing Places'. Some really good stories about people trying new things. If you go to my blog (www.evangelistchanging.blogspot.com) and on the left under 'sermons' you'll see 'Crossing Places'. Click on it and it will take you to a brief post I did which then links to a load of interesting videos about people exploring what 'church' is about. A guy called Gary Serra di Migni has a really fascinating story.
Keep going! Break the mould! God will lead you through.
God Bless
Joe
Posted by: Joe | July 22, 2009 at 04:51 PM